I Said I'm Not Sorry

I Said I'm Not Sorry

I Said I'm Not Sorry

-By Sonam Desai

How many times is it happened, that you walked up to a person and said sorry? Well the ones who are like me, it would have been multiple times, but all of those times I said sorry not every time I was wrong, at times I did it because I feared the loss, the fear of being alone, the fear of them walking away and never coming back, and at times I said sorry because I was ashamed of myself, the things I did for myself made me feel guilty, the times when I walked out because I needed space made me think I am abandoning the others, the times when I needed to be by myself I asked them to leave and that made me guilty. Is it not normal you ask, the feeling of guilt when you choose yourself over others? Well yes, we have been conditioned this way, to think of others before you think of yourself, if you do not, you are labeled selfish, a tag I once was ashamed of and now I pride myself over.

Thinking about the times, I have said sorry to be myself, to speak my mind, made me realize not only do we think selfishness as a bad trait but also, we really condemn the ones who are selfish. We see them differently, thinking of them to be monsters, but are they? Is selfishness really so bad of a trait that it should be condemned, I think not. Selfishness like any other trait needs to be in balance, time-to-time there need to be intervals where you think of yourself, treat yourself and not others, without these little intervals not only will you lose yourself but also with time you will start losing others, with little to no peace you will just remain with toxicities of the past and anxieties of future. I think it is okay to think about yourself and treat yourself better without the guilt, it's alright to not be sorry for taking time out of the worldly ways to be with you and you alone.